My extraordinary kid is sitting next to me playing with my hair saying "I lub your hair mom" as I'm writing this. He's a smart kid. He knows his teacher called today to let me know he wasn't his usual self. I'm pretty sure that means he was difficult today. The good news is this is the first time one of his teachers has called with an issue of that sort. Some of the smallest things can throw my extraordinary kid off so he isn't his usual self.
The funny thing is the teacher had to call a few parents and she said some of them were telling her it's a full moon and thats why their kid misbehaved. I laughed. I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with why Jayden had an off day.
After I got off the phone with Jayden's teacher I started thinking about when I started to realize Jayden might be different from other kids or what I like to call extraordinary. After two years in denial what I realized hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember having a panic attack. I couldn't breathe and I could feel my heart pounding. I didn't know exactly how to feel. Last week guest blogger Michelle wrote...
"One other thing I would mention to parents of my students’ when they were having a hard time is that parents who have a child with a disability often go through the same grief cycle as parents who have a child die. And they go through it over and over and over again. It is normal to feel denial, guilt, shame, bargaining, depression and anger and other emotions even when you love your extraordinary child."
As I came out of denial I was sad and scared. I didn't know if I was prepared to be the kind of mom Jayden needs. My hope of each of my children getting married someday and having kids of their own crumbled. I worried this might not happen for Jayden. I was also selfish and worried he would live with me for the rest of his life. Then I felt bad for feeling everything I was feeling. It's a roller coaster of emotions...up...down....just when I thought I could manage around a sharp corner.