Extraordinary Kid Series

Laura from MS SMARTIE PANTS made this adorable work of art...



Yep she is creative.  Laura is also one smart cookie.  She probably is one of those people who can do it all.  Last week she commented on my extraordinary kids post and what she wrote is pretty amazing.  I wanted to share it with you all.....

"You described my feelings many years ago when my son was in 1st grade. He is 19 now and has graduated high school. Let me say to you what one teacher said to me one day, but first I will preface it by telling you that I always went back and forth about how much to say to a teacher about my son and how much they should figure out on their own especially as he got older. I had decided to share with this teacher some of my concerns and I will never forget what he said to me "don't you worry, after all God isn't finished with him yet"! That meant so much to me. It meant take today, don't try to work out tomorrow and don't limit him to what he is today you don't know what he will be tomorrow. He was a wise man! I would have never thought we would be where we are today. So don't fret, God isn't finished with him yet!xoxo "


Thanks Laura.  I think this is something everyone with an extraordinary kid should hear!

Extraordinary Kid Series

My extraordinary kid is sitting next to me playing with my hair saying "I lub your hair mom" as I'm writing this.  He's a smart kid.  He knows his teacher called today to let me know he wasn't his usual self.  I'm pretty sure that means he was difficult today.  The good news is this is the first time one of his teachers has called with an issue of that sort.  Some of the smallest things can throw my extraordinary kid off so he isn't his usual self.

The funny thing is the teacher had to call a few parents and she said some of them were telling her it's a full moon and thats why their kid misbehaved.  I laughed.  I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with why Jayden had an off day. 

After I got off the phone with Jayden's teacher I started thinking about when I started to realize Jayden might be different from other kids or what I like to call extraordinary.  After two years in denial what I realized hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember having a panic attack.  I couldn't breathe and I could feel my heart pounding.  I didn't know exactly how to feel.  Last week guest blogger Michelle wrote...

"One other thing I would mention to parents of my students’ when they were having a hard time is that parents who have a child with a disability often go through the same grief cycle as parents who have a child die. And they go through it over and over and over again. It is normal to feel denial, guilt, shame, bargaining, depression and anger and other emotions even when you love your extraordinary child."


As I came out of denial I was sad and scared.  I didn't know if I was prepared to be the kind of mom Jayden needs.  My hope of each of my children getting married someday and having kids of their own crumbled.  I worried this might not happen for Jayden.  I was also selfish and worried he would live with me for the rest of his life.  Then I felt bad for feeling everything I was feeling.  It's a roller coaster of emotions...up...down....just when I thought I could manage around a sharp corner.

I decided to start taking it day by day.  I educated myself and started to talk about what I was going through.  I already had some extraordinary mom friends and made a few more.  I learned what I was going through is normal.  Loving my kid has never been an issue.  The thought of people being unkind to him is an issue but also life.  I don't know exactly what Jayden's future holds but I do know that he will have a mom who will support him.  When life decides to become a roller coaster I remind myself to take it one day at a time and sometimes I throw both arms in the air, enjoy the ride and live :)

Extraordinary Kid Series - Guest Blogger Michelle

If your new to my blog Wednesdays are dedicated to my "Extraordinary Kid Series".  You can click HERE to read more about why I've started this series.  In the past weeks you have heard about a few extraordinary kids.  These kids are amazing and the moms...well the moms are people who make the world a better place to live in.  Today we are going to do something different.  We are going to hear a point of view from a friend who used to be a special education teacher (SPED).   I have asked Michelle to be totally honest and I think she has accomplished it (she is fabulous!!). 

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Hi Friends around the world,

I'm Michelle from Someday Crafts. I highlight some awesome crafts from all around blogland everyday. Before I blogged, I was a Special Education Teacher. I made the mistake of leaving a comment to Melinda about my former life and she asked me to write the "truth" about SPED teachers and some other requests I will try to address.

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First, I want to say, please do not be offended by anything I say. I am not meaning to offend or cause anyone to feel anger, guilt or sadness. I am just doing my best to fulfill the request by Melinda in the most honest way I can. Please also realize that these are just my opinions. Other SPED teachers may feel differently about what I say.
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Next a little background on me. I taught four years full-time. Three years in an elementary school (K-5) and one year at a high school/post high program. I taught students with Down's Syndrome, Autism, Intellectual Disabilities and many other disabilities. They needed more services and attention than kids with learning disabilities (Resource). After I had a baby, I taught two years part-time at an elementary school with students who were "too low" for resource and "too high" to be in a self-contained classroom. They came to me for reading and math services.

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Melinda asked - How did I choose to become a SPED teacher? When I started college, I was a Psychology major, but as I was waiting to serve a mission for my church, I got a short-term job as a substitute aide during the day and it happened to be in a SPED class. I fell in love so quickly with the students and the idea of SPED and IEP’s. At night, I worked in a group home for persons with disabilities and was smitten with these wonderful people too. I knew my future was forever changed and that I was "meant" to be a SPED teacher. After my mission, I changed universities to attend the best SPED teacher preparation program in Utah. At that time, I thought I made a great choice.

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When I got my first job, I was single and without kids. A few months after I started teaching in a self-contained/severe classrooms, I thought I had made an unwise choice in my profession. My job was SO HARD!!! I had 15 students, many of them with very tough, aggressive behavior. Every day, I went to work with my heart breaking because I felt like a failure. I couldn’t give each one of them the very best and couldn’t meet all of their needs. I didn’t even know how to help some of them. I spent 10-12 hours a day and most Saturdays at school and gave my whole heart, soul and energy, and it still wasn’t enough. I LOVED these kids. They were MY kids!!! I decided I needed to get a Master’s in something besides SPED because I knew I couldn’t do this job for more than a few years, let alone until retirement. I started a night program in Vocational Rehabilitation and Counseling (I was passionate about helping people with disabilities be productive members of society.) Anyway, after Christmas vacation of my first year, some new students moved in and my class with split. Things finally calmed down and I started to LOVE my job. I loved my job from then on, but I will tell you that being a “good” SPED teacher is one of the most difficult jobs I can think of!!!

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That is what scares me about going back in a few years when my 3 kids are in school. I will not be able to do the job that I did pre-kids. I can't let teaching be my life with raising a family on the side. I will have to keep my priorities straight and that will be hard on my heart.
As a SPED teacher (especially after I got married), I had a life outside of the classroom. My husband would call me if I was still at school after 5pm and tell me it was time to come home. He would let me go in one Saturday a month instead of 3 or 4 Saturdays. To be the "best" SPED teacher, it is overwhelming, exhausting and consumes your life. I realize that many SPED teachers are not like the first 3 years of my teaching. I gave it my all! Some are lazy. Some refuse to let their job become their life and some just don't know what to do for each student. And then there are those SPED teachers who are amazing and have found a balance between having a family and a job. I want to be one of those!!! For those that continue teaching for more than a few years, they do what they have to do to survive the job. It is a HARD job. When I hear of someone going into SPED because they love people with Down’s Syndrome or those "cute kids with disabilities", I tell them it isn't all roses and fun. It is rewarding AND difficult! The burn out rate is around 5yrs!

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Some of the things I had to deal with as a teacher that I didn’t expect when I went into the profession was diapering 21-yr-olds, being physically attacked, learning how to restrain out-of-control kids/teens, being spit on and bit, having my hair pulled, explaining why a kid got a bruise from me or an aide (to a parent), distributing medications, giving shots, changing feeding tubes, putting false eyes in a student’s head, being prepared to give an Epipin(?) shot to a kid if he had an allergic reaction that could turn deadly to one of many things, reporting neglect and abuse to DCFS multiple times for multiple students, threats of lawsuits, working with group homes, teaching a student with an intellectual abilities who was blind to read and do math using Braille, learning a good bit of sign language, etc. I had to be a "boss" to aides – some of whom weren't very good. I had to hire and fire people. I had to work with reg. ed teachers who didn't want my students to come in their class or tried to exclude them from programs and activities. I made enemies in the school because I advocated for my students. Every kid is very different. Every academic program is different. Every year has to have different units, activities, and curriculum because I had the same students for 3 years. Thinking about my job brings me happiness and heartache at the same time.

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Oh, I could go on and on and on. It is a very tough job. And yet, my love for those kids, MY kids, overrides the heartache. That is the main reason a SPED teacher is successful. They love! They have big hearts! And they have skills (organizational, multi-tasking, interpersonal and decision-making skills) that help them through the tough parts of the job! I love teaching kids to read and write and count and add and introduce themselves and talk and regulate their own behavior! I love hearing kids talk for the first time or learn to communicate via a computer. I cried when I saw one of my students take 4 steps without her walker! My heart about burst when one of my very low-functioning students hit a switch to request a treat. I love seeing the progress from one year to the next. Oh to experience the joy in progress! It makes all the difficulty worth it!

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The students say and do the funniest things. When I need a good laugh, I think back on the time one of my 4th grade students told me he was an undercover member of the CIA , was investigating me and was going to have me thrown into prison. Or the time I was chasing this same student outside on the sidewalk as he was screaming to passing cars “Call the police. She is abusing me.” There were many times my aides and I had to turn our heads so the kids wouldn’t see us crack up over something hilarious they would say when they were mad. I have kept many notes students have written me saying they love me. I also can’t help but remember one student’s love of vacuums and another student’s love of motor homes and yet another of WWF. The quirks and interests the kids have bring nothing, but smiles!
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Melinda wrote: “What do SPED teacher expects from parents? I always feel annoying to her but that's my job!”

*If there is a communication notebook, read it and any notes that come home nightly and answer them. If you have quick, easy questions or just a comment about your child, write it in the notebook. Getting phone calls every day that aren’t necessary can be distracting to the teacher and the students. If there needs to be a lengthy, detailed conversation, then call –preferably before or after school or leave a message to call you back at a convenient time. If your child’s teacher doesn’t have a communication notebook, you may want to start one to send back and forth each day. Also, I loved it when parents would write something funny things about what their child did or said at home – especially if it involved school.

*If you need paperwork/reports/forms filled out, please give the teacher at least a week and send a gentle reminder to the teacher in the communication notebook about it getting done by a certain date.
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*If/when you are discouraged or having an issue with something that is going on at school, approach it kindly. Do not come out threatening to sue or get someone fired. That kind of language is going to put the teachers/administrators in a defensive mode , cut open communication and will most likely cause the teacher to walk on eggshells around you most of the time. Tell of your concern, why it is a concern and have some suggestions ready (if you can.)
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*Be involved in your child and their education. Advocate for them. Give input about what you would like to see on your child’s next IEP, if you have any requests. Show up to meetings promptly. If you have lots of questions, ask some before the IEP meeting so teacher’s can prepare or get data. If there is something you don’t like, say it (kindly.) If you want to feel more support at an IEP, bring a spouse (heavily encouraged), a friend or someone you rely on. Speak up when you feel strongly about something. Ask questions if you don’t understand something. As I teacher, I always sent home goals I would be proposing BEFORE and IEP so I could get feedback/input and it wouldn’t be a surprise to the parents. Most parents really appreciated this. You could request this being done with your child.
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*Be reasonable. Please realize that most teacher have 9-12 students on their caseload. We have lives outside of school. Certain demands can be unreasonable due to time, scheduling or money. Don’t ruin the relationship you have with the teacher and district personnel over something that may not be possible. Don’t be a pushover, but don’t be unreasonable either.
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*Feel free to invite the teacher to extra-curricular events (baseball games, baptisms, performances, etc) for your child if you want, but don’t expect them to come. I was able to attend a few and I loved it, but sometimes I had to say “no.”
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*Regular communication with the teacher is healthy. Let the teacher know if something has changed in your child (medications, behavior, routines at home, etc.) If you know there is some “big event” that could affect your child’s performance or behavior or something is not working, let the teacher know. Teachers only know what goes on in a student’s life at school unless you let them know more about what goes on at home. Communicate, communicate, communicate (nicely).
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*Most teachers don’t expect to hear “thank you,” but it sure helps them feel appreciated and like they are making a difference. I still remember a couple of parents telling me that I was the only teacher that actually tried to teach their 5th grade children to read using decoding (not just sight words). They thanked me for the difference and improvement I was making in their child’s life.
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Melinda wrote, “I would love to hear the truth about what educators really have to think about when making decision for kids. I love that the educators form a team and say it's all about what's best for the kid...but I know educators have more to think about than just the kid. At times, in the meetings I went to, I felt I was the ONLY ONE truly there for my kid.” This is difficult for me to answer because it is one of the things I dislike about SPED. Melinda was right that there is more to a team decision that what is best for the child. Sometimes what is best for the child is either WAY too expensive or just not possible in public education. Sometimes, we think we are doing what is best with the information we know. That is the truth! I had one set of parents that thought their special child (who I dearly, dearly LOVE) was my only student. I spent about 10-12 hours at school a day and it still wasn't enough to meet the needs of every kid in my class. I had 11 other students on top of their wonderful son. I spent more one-on-one time with him than any other student. His IEP lasted 17 hours over 4 days with the District SPED Director at all the meetings. He finally took the SPED law book and pushed it across the table and told the parents, "Here is the law. If you don't think we are following it, then take us to due process." It was tough knowing that I couldn't give this student and his parents everything they wanted and everything he deserved (in a perfect world with millions of dollars being allocated to every child with a disability). It was stressful for me to work with this family. But at the end of the day, I knew that they were just trying to get the very best services for their child. I try to do the same for my own kids - but it isn't really possible to have every lesson catered to them or have every resource in the world available to them. We are talking about public education. On many occasions, I helped fill out grants and tried to get equipment from third sources for students, but it never seems to be enough. There were times that our team was successful in doing that, but not always. Some parents wanted one-on-one aides and sometimes that is not the best thing for a child (in my opinion) and sometimes there just isn’t money for it. There were some programs the school psychologist or behavior specialist wanted me to implement for one student and I just couldn’t do it with the staffing I had and in the best interest of all the other student. It's hard. All I can say is that I tried to do the very best for each student with what I had!!!
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A resource: I highly recommend that every parent of a child with disabilities buy the children’s book called “The Crippled Lamb” by Max Lucado. It is an amazing book that brings tears to my eyes almost every time I read it. It does mention Jesus Christ in it so it is probably most appropriate for Christians. It also makes a great gift!

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One other thing I would mention to parents of my students’ when they were having a hard time is that parents who have a child with a disability often go through the same grief cycle as parents who have a child die. And they go through it over and over and over again. It is normal to feel denial, guilt, shame, bargaining, depression and anger and other emotions even when you love your extraordinary child. When parents would lash out at me over something that I felt was out of my control or a misunderstanding, I often thought back to the grief cycle and gave them the benefit of the doubt that they were just experiencing one of these emotions and I happened to be the one they expressed it to.

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I really could write a million more things. But I just want to leave with this thought. I have felt the extraordinariness in every student I have taught. I have loved their spirits. I always felt that I was in the presence of very special spirits! I know that to be true. My students are earthly angels! I have felt the following quote to be so powerful in reference to all people, and especially those with disabilities. They have great potential.

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“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would strongly be tempted to worship, All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.”
- C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, 14-15 (edited)

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Thanks for having me, Melinda. I hope I have helped at least one person with what I have written today. If you would like to contact me about anything here or have a different question, you can email me at somedaycrafts@gmail.com.

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Thanks again Michelle!  Someone once commented to me "the squeaky wheel gets the oil".   It's true.   One of my tips of being a mom of an extraordinary kid that goes to public school is to keep on top of it. By that I mean you have to go to the school, call the school, write to the school/teachers all the time if you want to know what is going on.  Be the squeaky wheel. There will be times when teachers &/or specialists want to do something that you disagree with. Follow your intuition. You know your child best. When dealing with teachers treat them with the respect they deserve. When you walk away they are still the one teaching your child.

Extraordinary Kid Series - Guest Blogger Julie

Writing about my extraordinary kid isn't always easy.  When I started this series I wanted to be completely honest and not sugarcoat my journey.  I don't want people to feel sorry for me because they shouldn't.  Extraordinary kids have their good days and their bad days.  Doesn't every kid?  The majority of the time my little one is giving me rock star kisses (where he holds on to my face and gives me a big smooch), hugging me or making me laugh but every once in a while he has a day that is just hard.  As moms of extraordinary kids our lives are all different because our kids are all different.  No two are the same.  When I started asking other moms of extraordinary kids to guest post I knew I was asking a lot.  I appreciate the moms who have put themselves "out there" for us to learn from.

Today I invited a guest blogger/friend Julie to share about her extraordinary kid.  Julie is a wonderful mom.  I admire her honesty and patience.  I know her extraordinary kid, Alvin, from church.  Alvin and my oldest daughter have been in the same primary class and now are in the youth together.  I talk to Alvin at church and he is one of the friendly, sweetest kids there....I'm sure Julie has a lot to do with that!  This is what Julie wrote on her blog...

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"When Melinda, a woman from our church who has a super cute crafty blog Under My Umbrella asked me if I would write about our extraordinary young man, I had a hard time getting started. Alvin takes a lot of effort and creativity to raise, and I tend to focus on how much work it is. But He's also a great kid so I decided to start with his strengths. He is thoughtful and considerate. When he gets money the first thing he thinks of is what he can buy for his brothers. He loves animals and is very sweet and gentle with them. He loves babies and though he sometimes has a difficult time interacting with them he adores his younger nephews. He’s great at remembering facts, and knows the birth dates and ages of all our extended family. He’s in his 4th year of playing the piano, and I rarely have to remind him to practice. He’s a blue stripe in Tae Kwon Do, likes to play board and card games, ride his bike, read and anything football (especially the Oregon Ducks!)



Alvin came to live with us when he was 3 years old through foster care. He didn’t speak, couldn’t walk for more than a few yards, and had a lot of anger/behavior problems. I started teaching him sign language in hopes that his behavior would improve if he had a way to communicate his needs. He picked up on signing right way. A few weeks after he moved in with us we were looking through the Hotwheels box while waiting for the school bus. I was pulling out cars and signing their colors. After a couple of cars he started picking out the red ones and signing “red”. I was so excited, because that was the first time I knew there was a lot more going on in inside his head than his teachers and specialists were giving him credit for. Alvin spoke his first word “mine” when he was 3 ½, and since then has made slow, but steady progress. We adopted Alvin when he was 6.

When he was about 10 we met with a team of doctors and therapists at a local hospital and got a diagnosis of dyspraxia*. While it seems to make the doctors and therapists happy to have a label, it hasn’t changed the way we’re raising him.

Alvin’s now 13. He’s made so much progress, but he’s still very difficult to understand. It also takes him a long time to put his thoughts together so few people have the patience to have a conversation with him. Socially he’s about the age of a 7 year old, and he still has a lot of anger and frustration.

“When God made you He had us in mind.” This is the quote we put on our adoption announcements, and though some days I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle I know that Alvin was meant to be with us. His preschool teacher told us that we saved him, but in so many ways Alvin has made me a better person so I think we’ve mutually benefited. ☺

*Dyspraxia is an impairment or immaturity of the organization of movement. It is an immaturity in the way that the brain processes information, which results in messages not being properly or fully transmitted. Dyspraxia affects the planning of what to do and how to do it. It is associated with problems of perception, language and thought."

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Extraordinary Kid Series

Wednesday is quickly becoming my favorite blog post day of the week!  Today I get to introduce you to the first guest blogger of my extraordinary kid series... my friend Jenni.  She is a mom of an extraordinary kid and I feel privileged to call her one of my good friends.  One of the best qualities about  Jenni is she listens...whether I'm angry, about to cry, laughing or just stressed.  She listens and then she makes me laugh.  I love her for it!  I'm so excited you get to read what she has to say about her extraordinary kid.  She has a wonderful, optimistic attitude and I hope it's contagious!  My friend Jenni....

"Hello. My name is Jenni. Melinda is one of my dearest friends so when she asked me share my thoughts about my extraordinary child I of course said yes. I would do anything for her, besides she asked me to write about one of my favorite topics, my wonderfully amazing son Owen.

Everything about Owen is extraordinary, even the way he came to be a member of our family. After the birth of my daughter my husband and I soon discovered that more biological children were not in our future so we decided to adopt. We were completely naïve to the adoption process and could have never anticipated that we would have to wait over three years for our sweet Owen to join our family. I can now say that he was worth every discouraging day and every other hopeful adoption that fell through. He without a doubt was handpicked by Heavenly Father for us.

Owen was the snuggliest, most even tempered, best sleeper of a baby that anyone could dream for. He was super easy to fall head over heals for. And we did. I noticed early on that Owen’s brain processed differently than my daughter and other children I had observed. I kept saying, “I can see him thinking”. I noticed that he had some attributes of children on the spectrum but dismissed them because he was so affectionate and verbal, and he made eye contact. He didn’t fit with what I thought I knew about autism. We just kept saying, “He’s so quirky”. Plus we loved all those little “quirks” (most of them anyway) they are what made Owen, well Owen. It wasn’t until about a year and a half ago (Owen was almost 4) that my husband said he thought I should take Owen to the doctor. My husband is an elementary school teacher and works at a school with an autistic program. After observing the vast array of differences between children on the spectrum and many similarities between Owen and his students he was encouraged to have Owen evaluated. We have been so blessed throughout this process. We have easily been guided to the people that can best help Owen. He is officially diagnosed with pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (whew it’s a mouthful), but many have said he has very high functioning aspergers. Personally I don’t care what they “label” Owen with as long as he is getting the services that will benefit him the most.

Now onto what makes Owen so fun. He L-O-V-E-S traffic signs. He can’t get enough of them literally and figuratively. He has dozens of “friends” which consist of named fingers on his hand, his actual hand, which was appropriately name “Hand”, and a plethora of stuffed animals. Owen is never lonely. He is the funniest person I have ever met. He can contort his face in ways I haven’t seen since Jim Carrey. My husband asked me what we would do without him; the first thing that came to mind was laugh a whole lot less.

Owen is fairly easy going, which I know is atypical for children on the spectrum and we are grateful for everyday. The main issue we have seen is that his older sister (age 9) doesn’t completely understand Owen’s extraordinariness. Sometimes he becomes “annoying” to her, but really what 4 year old brother isn’t sometimes annoying to their older sister. She also sees him as getting preferential treatment many times. It’s hard for her to understand that he doesn’t think the same way she does so there’s no way to treat them the same. Can you really treat two kids the same anyway?

Owen is a joy. He is 100% without guile. He is compassionate and loving. He brings light and life to our home that could be achieved in no other way. We praise his birthmother and Heavenly Father everyday for the most extraordinary gift we could have ever received. "

Extraordinary Kid Series

I know half of you probably come to my blog and think why does she have the stupid music on?  My brother isn't afraid to tell me so.  I like it.  I've read how blogs shouldn't have music and all that jazz but again I like it.  Music is powerful.  It can make you want dance or it can make you want to cry.  We relate to music. 

Many of my memories are tied to a song.  Around here each summer we come up with a summer song.  One that we listen to when we are boating at the lake.  I also have certain songs I run to.  Whenever those songs come on I either feel like running or boating.  The other day Katy Perry's song Firework came on (I don't love everything she sings but this is an exception) and the lyrics are meaningful to me.

You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed

So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

This song reminds me of my extraordinary kid.

There is so much more to him then people see in a first glance or impression.  I wish people would look deeper so they could see the light that shines from him.  The song above reminded me of something I posted on my family blog.  This is from about two years ago....

"The other day Jayden was riding the tricycle above. He looked so normal and I had a moment. At school and even at church lately Jayden is limited. I think he is treated differently... but at home, at that moment, he was free. Free of opinions of what everyone thinks he is or not... He was riding that tricycle as fast as his little legs could carry him and loving it. I sat there thinking about what Jayden's life is going to be like. Will he defy everyone who will label him? Will people being mean to him make him stronger? Will people being mean to me make me stronger?  I'm pretty sure one day he will amaze us all!"


It's amazing how something I wrote two years ago can bring me back to that moment in a second.  This brings me to what I wanted to discuss today.  When I wrote the above paragraph I was having a hard time with the school and Jayden was...I want to put this nicely and don't want to hurt any feeling....being escorted out of his primary (church) classroom repeatedly.  It took me a few years to get this church thing down but I think I finally have it figured out.  (I realize I'm about to use a bunch of LDS lingo...if you're not LDS you can go HERE to learn more about what I am talking about.)

Jayden was being escorted out of his primary class mostly due to his inability to stay in his chair. It's always been an issue.  He likes to lay on the floor.  It makes him feel safe and "grounded".  I noticed this early on in many areas of his life.  One time we were at the park and a little girl started to scream.  Jayden went over to the asphalt and laid straight down on it.   The funny thing is I remember thinking he was just tired at the time but in reality he was completely overwhelmed by all the children and the screaming.  The problem of taking Jayden out of his primary class is if he had his choice he would never leave me.  In a way it was rewarding to him.  He got to come hang out with me.  After taking him out there was NO way he was going back.  These are my suggestions of working with leaders at church...

*A huge problem we have is Jayden looks "normal".  Yep there is that word that I didn't want to use.  I'm not sure what normal is but Jayden looks it.  This causes a problem because those who don't know Jayden sometimes confuse certain behaviors of coping as being naughty...such as being on the ground.  Educate leaders of these coping techniques.

*If you haven't talked to the primary president about your child....do so and do it now.  Right now they are deciding the classes the kids will be in.  I typically talk to someone from the presidency each year.  We talk about Jayden's needs and usually I'm given a choice in teachers.  It's nice because certain personalities work better with extraordinary kids.

*Once you find out what class your child is in call the leader/teacher.  Let them know what is typical for your child.  In  my case Jayden will lay on the floor.  Being around that many children is often overwhelming for him.  It doesn't mean he isn't listening or he is trying to be naughty.  This past year Jayden has had amazing teachers.  He loves going to primary.  I also let them know I'm always available if they need me.  It's always better to bring me in the class then to remove him from it.

*The kids spend 2 hours in primary.  Peek in every once in a while and see what your kid is up to.  I do this at least once just to make sure things are going smoothly.  So far, so good!

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through

Do you have any suggestions?  I would love to hear them!!

Extraordinary Kid Series

The other day my extraordinary kid was...let's just say not so helpful in public.  My friend turned to me and said "He's a extraordinary kid".  It made me laugh.  He still is extraordinary but that day was a rough one.  I did change our schedule which is really hard on him.  Extraordinary kids have rough days and as a parent it can be wearing. 

Now let's look at the other side..you're a kid who goes to Kindergarten all day.  You deal with certain noises that are painful and maintaining eye contact with people makes you uncomfortable.  You come home on the bus and expect to rest after your sensory overload day and your mom puts you in the car right away to go help her clean up the church after a huge event.  It's no wonder my extraordinary kid had a hard day.

I went into the school today and the secretary told me how cute Jayden is.  She said he was in the office helping count and package the canned food.  We all have good days and we have bad days.  Try to focus on the good ones :)

I have a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and a minor in early childhood education.  I almost have my masters...only a internship left.  Throughout my education I was big in not labeling children.  I would say that holds true of myself until this past year.  This past year when my insurance company decided certain services would no longer be available to Jayden without a diagnosis.  Also dealing with teachers who don't know what techniques to use because honestly they don't know what they are dealing with.  Even calling the dentist and telling them about Jayden before he comes in what to expect.  A diagnosis might be helpful in those situations.

We set off for this adventure of a diagnosis last year.  Jayden's pediatrician suggested we see a doctor who practices pediatric developmental behavioral health.  The visit didn't go so well and if I could make a suggestion here I would suggest when you have your child assessed go for a team approach.  After our visit with the doctor I knew I would never bring my child back for the follow up visit.  I talked to Jayden's pediatrician and we discussed having him to go a hospital that has a team approach.  I have a great pediatrican!  All was well until my insurance decided they didn't want me to do it and stated Jayden would have to go back to the original doctor.  My reason for telling you all this info is when your insurance company tells you no to something don't give up.  I wrote a letter and had my sister-in-law who has experience with extraordinary kids edit it.  With her help I came up with this....

(I have changed the names of the people in this letter.)

"To Whom It May Concern:

 I am writing this letter in response to an insurance denial for my son Jayden to have a team evaluation from Oregon Health & Science University (OHSU). When my pediatrician first gave me the choice between seeing Dr. Nameless and going to OHSU, I thought seeing one person who would focus on Jayden would be to his advantage. I was wrong. Dr. Nameless spent at most 5 minutes trying to communicate with Jayden. Jayden doesn’t trust strangers. He didn’t say one word to her and spent most of the time ignoring her. Dr. Nameless then informed me that he was most likely mentally retarded. I’m pretty sure most professionals don’t use that term. I’m still not clear how Dr. Nameless made that judgment when Jayden didn’t even speak to her.


After that appointment I did some networking and discovered that many people had similar experiences with Dr. Nameless and would not recommend her. The point in seeing Dr. Nameless was to receive an evaluation report that could be used either to provide a diagnosis or to be used in IEP planning. Dr. Nameless did not provide either of these things.


According to Jayden’s Individualized Education Program (IEP) goals he needs help in the following areas:


1. Adaptive/Self Help
2. Social Skills/Behavior
3. Communication
4. Occupational Therapy (Fine motor)
5. Pre-Academic Skills


In the classroom he needs help on attending group activities, transitioning, interacting with peers, following teachers’ directions, help on language based activities and comprehending new concepts. He exhibits delays in communication skills and fine motor skills which negatively impact his academic performance and his ability to learn new skills. He has a variety of issues and could greatly benefit from a team approach evaluation.


October 20, 2010 I had a conference with both Jayden’s kindergarten teacher and special education teacher. In this meeting I was asked if some sort of testing was being done outside of school. Jayden’s special education teacher said it would be very helpful to know what is going on from professionals so she could use specific strategies to help him in his learning. She confided she too is a little lost as what will help Jayden best. An accurate and thorough evaluation that addresses Jayden’s deficits as well as his strengths and provides us with a more concrete diagnosis would provide a baseline for how to best assist Jayden to reach his potential. This type of evaluation would be helpful not only to his teachers now but also to others who will work with him in the future - teachers, therapist and his parents.


My hope is you will read this letter from a mom who loves her child. I’m just trying to do what is best for Jayden and occasionally I make mistakes. There needs to be another evaluation for Jayden because nothing was accomplished in the first one. I believe OHSU’s program will give us the best chance for success. People often refer to Jayden as a “puzzle”. I don’t want my child always feeling like a puzzle too. Please reconsider a team evaluation from OHSU. Thank you for your time and feel free to call me to discuss this matter.


Thank you,


Melinda Beachell"

The insurance company called me two days later and told me they also felt it would be best for Jayden to have a team approach assessment.  Don't give up.  This incident was easy to solve but there will be others that are more difficult.

Thank you all for your wonderful comments last week.  I really appreciate them.  In the coming weeks you will meet some moms of extraordinary kids.  I'm excited to hear from each one.  If you have an extraordinary kid and have some experiences/resources to share please email me.

Extraordinary Kid

I've debated this post a bunch of times. I end up choosing not to do it because it's kind of personal. If you know me I'm kinda a personal person. Things that are close to my heart aren't shared often but I guess that's going to change today. I'm not sure why I feel like I need to share some of my acquired knowledge on this topic but I do... Today I am going to write about one of my greatest crafty creations... my son Jayden.

"If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation-- not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day in this life or the next." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

You see I'm an ordinary mom of an extraordinary kid.

ex·traor·di·nar·y /ikˈstrôrdnˌerē/ Adjective

1. Very unusual or remarkable.

2. Unusually great.

 

Synonyms: aberrant, aberrated, abnormal, anomalous, atypical, especial, exceeding, extraordinaire, exceptional, freak, odd, peculiar, phenomenal, preternatural, rare, singular, uncommon, uncustomary, unique, unusual, unwonted

(Interesting how some of these words are positive and others are negative.  I'm going to take all the postive ones!)

 

We (family) often joke about renting Jayden out to people that are sad. He has a way of making you feel loved especially when you are sad. Jayden has his own set of trails.  I have a habit of jumping ahead. Jayden was born a healthy 9 pound baby. He was a serious eater and sleeper. Both traits are still true of him. He was a easy going baby so it wasn't surprising to me that he was a late crawler/ walker. At about 18 months he regressed in his speech and stopped making eye contact with most people. I was told the speech thing was normal and I don't believe I even made a big deal about the eye contact because the kid was so darn good at physical affection. It's around the age of 2 1/2 I started thinking maybe something was going on.

Jayden is now 6 and doesn't have an official diagnosis (in about 6 months we may) as of yet but I have my own thoughts of what is going on.  Jayden is still my most loving child.  It's hard for him to keep eye contact, he has some sensory issues, some obessive-compusive issues, and anxiety.  I love my extraordinary kid and don't want to change him in anyway.  It's me I want to change.  Change to be a better mom.  A mom my kid deserves.  One of the hardest things about this journey is feeling alone and judged.  It's a whole process of feelings....denial, love, fear, sadness, anger, empowerment and happiness.  The most helpful thing that I have found is to talk to other moms of extraordinary kids. 

This post and future posts are about awareness and support.  I feel I need to give back what I have received.  Once a week guest bloggers and/or myself (all moms or people who work with extraordinary kids) will share experiences and resources.  I don't claim be an expert.  I do have experience with schools, church and insurance companies.  I have learned to become fierce when I need to be....when people try to convince me to make a decision about Jayden when my heart tells me it's wrong.  I've had friends say hurtful things.  Best of all I am loved by one extraordinary kid and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"It is often in the trail of adversity that we learn those most critical lessons that form our character and shape our destiny." -Dieter F. Uchdorf